We're gonna break in the new year the right way

What a year.

School. A massacre of all breakups that suck the life out of you until NOW. It's time. It's time for change and its time to move on and do something. So for the New year I want several a thangs. How about some resolutions to issues.

1) I want to do better in school. I switched my program to go into Human Services which is kinda exciting.
2) Get a second job waitressing like 3 nights a week along with maintain the same shitty shifts at the place that i love to hate...Pick n Slave.
3) I don't want to drink as much. Social drinking fine, but drinking to the point of disgustingness and drunkenness.
4) Stay in this relationship even though he's gonna be gone for ages, but letters and stuff are sweet and I like him way alot and I like that things are the way they are and i like him. :) I can have an attention span for someone that plays me the backstreet boys, loves Megan Fox and enjoys Seann William Scott. Not only that.... He's got rock hard abs and a perfect smile.. I think I have died and gone to heaven.
5) I need to work out. I need to go to a gym and get this flab into nice ab?? Yeah I tried to rhyme but that didn't work.
6) Try not to take things so personally.
7) Move out by the summer.
8) Manage my time way more wisely.
9) Go out of state for a week-a weekend
10) Just try to keep a positive attitude, even when things look down.

Yup Yay for new Years and yay for change.

Swallow my doubt...Turn it inside out.

I'm confused. i don't really know what else to say. I am just legit confused about things. I don't know if its worth it to stay with someone who...is so selfish? Maybe selfish isn't the right word...I can't please everyone all the time. Though I wish i totally could i can't. It sucks. Maybe we've spent too much time together lately. Maybe I feel like you take advantage of me in ways. I mean you guilt trip me because i can't spend every waking second with you...I mean that kinda makes me feel mega smothered. I like the attention sure, but its not the kinda attention I like. I don't like that you made me cry twice in one day. I don't like fact that he thinks I am some kind of mircale given to him to help him outta his rut...I can't. I don't feel like that great person you described me as I really kinda hate it. It makes me feel like I am some unreal person. I don't think I am that great. I am just meeeee.... He calls me beautiful and stuff alot and I just ugh I don't know...I am way too annoyed right now. I am sick of partying. I am sick of drinking. I am sick of becoming a dragon, i am sick of thinking about you right now. Its confusing me. I don't like feeling pressured that I am the one thats gonna turn your life around. I am so confused

We are who we are

I hate days like today. I hated thinking about the sire days today and having flashbacks in my head. It made me slightly queesy and uneasy thinking about it. Thinkinga bout it makes me feel like I lost who that person was. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. It just kinda is odd knowing I am not the same girl I was in July, like the world has shifted and pangea fell apart. Not saying I don't know who I am anymore, just saying that its odd because I have doing certain things that are quite outta character to who I once was...If that even makes any sense at all.