Sometimes I wonder if he ever looked into my baby blue eyes n asked him did I just father the most insignificant asshole of the twenty-first century?

I'm cranky. No cranky is an understatement. I am downright just pissed off. This will be a massive tangent about work. And for that I apologize, I mean really who wants to hear about deli drama at a grocery store? I work my ass off. No literally, I run around that deli like its a track, a triathalon is a better way to put it. I do things that others can't and am as close to full time as one could get. I make sandwhiches and all the crappy little things that need to be put out for hungry customers. Then after a long day of working and staying another half hour over my scheduled time, I get poked at. "Madame is slow and needs to make sandwhiches a little faster." "Do ya see how she cuts the bread so unevenely?" Massive giggles in the breakroom erupt and i stare in silence wondering wtf i did to deserve that kind of remark. Granted they were just poking fun. BUT it's not fun. I ask for a raise get laughed at, and deal with sooo much shit that others wouldn't dream of putting up with back there. So I told my laughing manager she can do the island stuff from now on since I am not up to her standards and then said but it may require waiting on people... And she gave me the same look i had when she was giggling. She doesn't do anything. Pretty sure she could be partially unalive for how much she actually contributes. WOOPIE she can order, pretty sure if I was taught legitimately I could do her job. I hate that place. I hate it more than anything. EVER.


I hate this unsettled feeling of what's right and wrong and what I need and what I don't. I wish I could just go up to a counter and order what kinda guy I would like, and within five minutes *DING* your orders ready. It's not that I'm not happy with what I have now...He's sweet, and likes football and playing guitar, and writing songs (one about me which pretty much makes a girl weak in the knees) he's smart and knows what he wants...Which is pretty sexy. Then I am all hung up on the ex we'll call him tiger just for old time sake. He's just security, with a shmexy bod and beautiful sideburns, he makes me laugh, I can be 100% myself with him, sometimes though i felt like there wasn't always a spark but there is obviously something since I am drawn to him, but not only that, there is a huge history there. He wants me to open up and talk to him about some things and I don't know how to. Basically it goes is it ever gonna happen or isn't it? And if it is are the relationships we are in worth hurting? I don't know. I can't gurentee that. Besides right now i like this other guy a lot because it's simple and not complicated and I need that. I need the feeling of a vacation he gives me and makes feel wanted, i love that feeling. And with the tiger I'm not really wanted, more or less I feel like a side project and I dislike that feeling.