Is it wrong to tell someone something they want, but can't really get yet. They want the other person to be happy, and want to make everything work but at this very moment in time they just can't. So they keep telling the other they can make it happen, I believe they do this just because they think if they say it enough times it may come true. But the facts are right now they just can't so please, dear sire, don't keep feeding me that they can when they can't right now.
Maybe I should explain this. Sire and I have been talking about getting a place together since March. MARCH people. First he can't because he doesn't have a car, then he can't because he can't tell his parents, then he can't because he isn't sure he can budget. Now, they are all very solid reasons to wait correct, then instead of saying, "Madame, I want to so bad, you should know that." Say, "Madame, I want to live with you so bad, but maybe we should wait because I am not quite ready yet and I don't have my shit together." Yes, I may be slightly miffed but feeding me along for months at a time sire dear doesn't make me the happiest woman in the world. I understand he was just trying to spare my feelings which is nice that he cares about them, but me gettting my hopes all up and for what exactly? I would have rather had the truth then the constantly being told "madame we will make it happen." Yes we will. Someday. Not anytime in the near future.
I just, agh. I don't feel like a real life adult. Adults live by themselves and are so self sufficient, and it bothers me that I can't get to that point right now, when I really really would like to. Oh now I am using the word want all losely. See though, the difference between my want and his, my wants I can man up to and make it a reality. He just has alotta stuff to figure out before hand before he can make it a reality. So I told him tonight, "Sire I know you aren't ready so we don't have to yet. Though I am ready and would like to, I know you just aren't so please stop pretending." As much as it hurt to give up that ideal dream of mine, it felt better because it has been eating at me for sometime. I just hope he wants to be with me. Gosh I don't even wanna be with me these days.
I am over stressed. I believe that is the case. I feel used and abused at work, school I can't just jump into though I would really just like to, I don't know what my future entails. I hate my job and how hard I have to work for it. I dislike not knowing/being able to see one of the crotches whenever i so feel, I hate blemishes/ my terrible skin, I hate waking up under the roof of my parents daily and feeling like I never really accomplish anything. Gosh, I am just down right depressed. Things have to get better right? Things can only go up from here. I should probably attempt thinking more positively, but dammnit right now I just wanna sit and feel sorry for myself.
...
...
...
Times up.
Okay. Next post better be happy or else.
Love,
Madame Mediocre.
No comments:
Post a Comment